What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 01.07.2025 07:07
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My life is so biszare .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Sit deserunt in iusto aut praesentium fugiat fugit.
But it wasn’t much.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I write beautiful poetry .
I don,t even have a pension.
She loved him until the end.
What would happen if Trump and Putin make a Ukraine peace deal without Ukraine's consent?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I could never make a relationship work though!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
50 Cent Pledges to Prevent a Trump Pardon for Sean Combs: ‘I’m Gonna Reach Out’ - Rolling Stone
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
This is soul school!.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
What do you love doing for fun?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
When she asked me how she looked .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Air India plane crash death toll rises to 270 - BBC
He resisted the act ,that day.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Elon Musk Says XAI Will Retrain Grok: 'Far Too Much Garbage' - Business Insider
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
James Webb Space Telescope discovers planets forming in space's most punishing environments - Space
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
(And it was in our own minds.)
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Martin celebrates being picked by Predators with NHL Draft party on family farm - NHL.com
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She found it foreign!.
Do you have pics of the wife making out with another guy?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Germany: Cologne evacuation lifted after WWII bombs defused - dw.com
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I was 9 years of age.
Who then, do I blame.?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Ive learnt so much.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She wouldn,t have been !
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I will be 64.
All the time i was locked up.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
We all went to grammer schools
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
So whats the point in blame.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Comes on , in middle age.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But, we were locked up after school.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I said to her
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My family never makes their pension either.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Im still living with it.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She married twice! .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
What did i know ?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I was seconnd youngest,
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was scared of men, in general
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
It was going to be , some day.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I think the readers, may guess!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Would this be the day?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We were not on the streets..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I have no regrets .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He knew the spot.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I couldn’t, believe it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And i lived it daily.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She was in good health!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
One cannot live in the past .
I was very sick at this time too.
I waited trembling.
So, i spoilt her more .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Put me off passion for life!!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.